Forum
and Guidelines
The
guidelines for use of the forums can be found following the
forum links
These
Forums are here to give you an opportunity to receive support
from others.
You
do not have to give an e-mail address nor your real name unless
you wish to do so.
Support
and Rant & Rave Forums
Chat
Room
The
Rant and Rave Archive (Read Only)
Temporary
Forum (Only
Used When Other Forums are Down)
To contact
the moderator team, please use the following address:
SafelineForums@hotmail.co.uk
Guidelines
for Posting on the Forums and in the Chat Room
Introduction
The nature of what brings us here is potentially triggering to us all,
so we need to take some care of others and ourselves when we visit
and/or post on the Forums and in the Chat Room. Ultimately it is your
personal responsibility to protect and care for yourself, and maintain
your own safety whilst here…only you know how you are feeling
and how fragile and/or vulnerable you may be at any given time. However,
these guidelines along with some of the reasoning behind them have
been set out to help clarify ways in considering sensitivity toward
fellow Survivors when posting, maintaining and preserving the safety
of the site, and reducing the possible upset and distress that can
be felt when a post is edited, moved or removed by a Moderator when
deemed inappropriate/unsuitable.
Please
note: No amount of guidelines or warnings can protect every single
person here from being upset or triggered at all points in time.
It is therefore vitally important to take the responsibility
for you own wellbeing, yourself.
These
guidelines predominately relate to posting on the forums although
the same principals should be applied to discussion/s in the
Chat Room. Respect and consideration should be given to all those
present in the Chat Room and discussion/subject points agreed.
Click
on the heading to go to the individual Guideline
Medication
/ Alcohol / Drugs
It
is advisable and desirable you consider very carefully whether
to post or even come onto the website at all when heavily under
the influence of medication, alcohol or drugs which sometimes
distorts your thinking and/or behaviour/actions. It can be very
upsetting and frightening for anyone when another person does
not have some control of them self and will not be accepted as
a reasonable excuse for inappropriate/misbehaviour. Please try
and remember you are responsible for your own behaviours and
actions.
Choosing
a Name / Alias/ Pseudonym
Please
give some thought and consideration to the choice of name/alias/pseudonym
you choose to post under, as these can also prove to be upsetting
and triggering to some and cannot be avoided on entering the
forums or Chat Room. If you are new to the Safeline website try
to look around as many of the forums as possible to check your
choice of name is not already used by another person before posting,
as you will be asked to change it to avoid mix ups and confusion
which may feel upsetting/distressing to you. (It is possible,
having checked you may still receive a request to change your
name in the event another person with the same name has not posted
in recent days or is not a frequent poster.)
It
is advisable to keep in mind there is often more than one person,
sometimes several people posting “anonymously” at
any given time and wise not to presume all anonymous posts are
from the same person. (You could find yourself getting into quite
a muddle and/or confused, otherwise.)
Triggering
Posts & Subject Matter
Any
posts which maybe triggering should show a warning triangle and/or
TTT in the subject line. Words such as ab*se, ab*sed, se*ual,
r*pe, r*tual, h*ll etc, related to r*lig*on and alc*h*l are splatted
***** and not used where possible in the subject line.
Strong
language and swearing which others may find offensive should
be splatted *****, again not used in the subject line, and saved
for the Rant and Rave forum as much as possible.
Please
try to give some indication as to the subject matter within your
post in the ‘subject line’, keeping to the above
criteria.
When
your post contains, (conts.) anything associated/related to any
of the following:
Self-harm – (SH)
Suicidal thoughts/feelings – (SH related)
Religion – (Rlgn.)
Alcohol – (Alc.)
..…Clearly,
state in the ‘subject line’ with use of abbreviations.
E.g.: Conts. SH, Conts. Rlgn.
Although posts maybe be marked as triggering and it is accepted and expected
to relate to sexual abuse, most people would prefer more warning with regard
to these four categories in particular. (Personal choice as to whether
to read the post/s or not is therefore made easier.)
Writing
in capitals/upper, case is shown as shouting, which can make
reading difficult. You can shout, rant and rave as much as you
like in the Rant and Rave forum but should be kept to a minimum
in the Main Support forum.
Explicit/Graphic
Detailed Posts - of Self-Harm, the Abuse itself, etc.
Writing
is one of the most useful tools to healing, and it can really
help to express and talk about your experiences in detail. There
can be no right or wrong in what you say, you know the truth
and how you feel but this is not the appropriate place to bring
such detailed posts. The depth at which this goes to is better
handled in therapy and/or on a more personal level. The Safeline
Moderator Team considers what the aim and what is achievable
on-line that remains safe and helpful to all or most. (Expression,
the sharing of feelings and struggles, exploration, support,
help and advice, friendship and of course the achievements, successes
and good times in a safe, understanding, non-judgemental environment.)
[It
is enough to say you are experiencing flashbacks, struggling
with or are self-harming (SH), suicide, abuse etc without the
specific details.]
Whilst
it may sometimes feel your experiences and/or problems are small
in comparison with others, the reality is that each person has
their own story to share and all are equally valid and this is
also to be remembered when others appear to be getting more attention.
Most
if not all who come here are emotionally vulnerable in some way,
some or most of the time. You have the choice to decide for yourself
what you can and can’t deal with, which posts to read or
not, and ultimately you are responsible for taking care of yourself
whilst here. The Safeline Moderator Team takes your safety, and
the safety and preservation of the site very seriously too, which
is felt in part our responsibility. (Remember at times even therapists/counsellors
are not equipped to deal with all survivors have to say, as many
have found to their cost.)
It
is important to be heard and Safeline will hear you. You are
always welcome to e-mail Safeline if/when it’s not appropriate
to post here. Please keep in mind the Moderators volunteer their
time and are not available 24/7.
In
addition as survivors, you were all in some way threatened with ‘things’ in
your past to keep you quiet. Many of these threats to you now
as adults have no hold over you but to some this is not the case.
We need to be aware of this and so need to be cautious with details
shared publicly. The Safeline website does not attract ‘those’ that
may find graphic, explicit details ‘interesting’ as
we don’t post them, which also goes a long way to keeping
this a safe place to be.
Times
of Crisis & Feeling Suicidal
Please
note: If you are in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, you should
contact appropriate professionals, (therapist/counsellor, mental
health services, crisis hotline, A&E etc) whom are better
equipped to help you. It is not fair to threaten SH, suicide
etc and give cause for grave concern/worry to fellow survivors.
Samaritans
24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every single day of the year.
National numbers
UK 08457 90 90 90
ROI 1850 60 90 90
Safeline
Telephone Helpline
Monday,
Wednesday and Friday evenings, between 7.00pm and 10.00pm. Tuesday
and Thursday evenings between 7.30pm and 9.30pm. These times
may vary according to holidays etc. There is a 24hr answer phone
available for messages.
UK 0808 800 5005
The
posting of suicide notes or any other indication of the intent
to attempt suicide or self-injure is prohibited, as is the posting
of descriptions of self-harm activities. Discussion of the urges
and feelings are appropriate, but making a clear statement and
assurances of current safety (as in "these are feelings
only and will not be acted upon") is a MUST when doing so,
otherwise posts will be removed / edited. Posts containing descriptions
or "plans" are not allowed at any time. Additionally,
any posts that appear to lay blame on or demand action by Safeline
or any forum member (as in "help me, talk to me, or I will...")
are also prohibited.
Forum
Balance – When & Where to Post
The
Safeline website does not have a range of different forums to
accommodate specific, separate subjects that cover all potential
areas for discussion. Therefore, posts with subject matter that
is considered/viewed as very highly triggering, (e.g. when deep,
dark, strong powerful emotions/thoughts/feelings are expressed,)
they should be taken to the Rant and Rave forum. Although these
types of posts would not be considered to be ‘ranting and
raving’, it is necessary to try and maintain a sense of
balance for each individual forum.
Communication
and the sharing of experiences amongst Survivors has proven to
be invaluable and very healing, but it is important to be aware
how sometimes inadvertently and without realising, you can also
get caught up/dragged down with talk of others depth of pain
and suffering experienced, pick up on or follow others self-destructive/damaging
behaviours. This can then become very unhelpful and unhealthy.
With this in mind it is preferable the Main Support forum reflects ‘lighter’ discussion/s
and remains more inviting and less frightening to new visitors,
(whilst still including potentially triggering subject matter,)
and the Rant and Rave forum holds a safer place which can also
reflect the sometimes deeper, darker side.
Personal
Attacks & Differences of Opinion
Personal
direct ‘attacks’ on other visitors, big or little
that come here are NOT allowed,
whether they be part of the same ‘system’ or not.
It
is often possible someone else's expressions of pain, anger,
ways of coping etc will leave you feeling triggered or otherwise
negatively impacted in some way. If you feel triggered and/or
angry by something/someone, please don't respond right away in ‘reaction’ when
your emotions are running high. Take some ‘time-out’,
turn off and walk away from the computer if needs be, give time
to think about your feelings and consider what it is you may
like to say and why in response. And whenever responding to another
persons post consider how you would want to be responded to.
This
does not mean differences of opinion cannot be expressed however,
provided they remain respectful to others. You may find this
is the first time you have been able or have been witness to
discussion where it’s okay to have a different opinion,
where it’s okay to disagree and where there are no negative
repercussions. When new to this type of experience you may find
it feels unsettling and upsetting to you, even challenging or
threatening and can take some getting used to.
Boundaries
There
is also a need to respect each other’s boundaries as individuals
and it could be the first time when you can actually establish
some of your own for the very first time and in a safe environment.
It maybe new and different, and could feel quite scary to you.
Some
people are not comfortable with hugs, for example, (even cyber
hugs.) And it’s okay for them to ask not to be hugged.
There are varying beliefs/non-beliefs about religion and some
feel uncomfortable about being prayed for or being blessed by
god, are other examples. Again, an individual can express their
discomfort and ask not to receive such, so long as it is put
respectfully.
You
may never have been allowed to say when you felt uncomfortable
with or did not like something before, or if you did, you were
ignored and they carried on regardless. You have rights and you
do not have to ‘endure’ things that you don’t
like anymore, as do others.
Please
note: It is useful to say whom your post is directed at when
venting etc about/to an abuser or person/s in your life and consider
carefully when making generalisations, as other survivors can
quite often feel/think you are talking about/to them personally.
Please
respect each other’s right to anonymity, privacy and confidentiality,
particularly when communicating in the Chat Room or off-site
and don’t allow anyone else to pressure you into responding
or giving out details you feel uncomfortable with.
To
protect your on-line safety it is not recommended or advisable
to share personal details such as phone numbers, addresses etc.
Also keep in mind should you choose to include your email address
when posting, the Safeline forums have public access which potentially
leaves you open to being contacted by absolutely anyone, which
may not always be welcome. (Safeline are happy to assist in the
exchange of email addresses when parties involved agree.)
Littleland
With
the exception of the Moderators, no ‘Bigs’ should
post in the Littles Support or Play Corner forums unless they
are responding to their own inner child/little. (Please be aware
and keep in mind this could still feel unsettling and uncomfortable
for other littles.)
Play
Corner is a place for your inner child to play, chat to other
littles and have fun. Posts here should be kept light-hearted
which provide escapism from abuse issues.
Please
try and remember as adult/big you are also predominately responsible
for your own inner child, little/s, alters or other parts behaviours,
actions, safety and wellbeing, although they should be encouraged
to share the responsibility with you.
Other ‘Topics/Subjects’ & Websites
The
Safeline website is for Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse,
and predominately subject matter discussed should be relevant/central
to this issue, inclusive of any day-to-day ups and downs encountered.
Subjects not deemed to be relevant, appropriate or ‘matters’ that
are currently illegal in the United Kingdom are not welcome and
will be removed if introduced to the site, at the discretion
of the Moderator Team.
Discussion
on issues and/or problems encountered on other websites regardless
of aim and content are not welcome on the Safeline website and
will be removed if introduced to the site, at the discretion
of the Moderator Team. (Please refer to the disclaimer on the
Homepage for more details on this matter and other relevant issues.)
Concerns
About Posts
If
you feel or notice a post, which is potentially triggering that
shows no warning or have concerns over the appropriateness/suitability
of a post please let Safeline know via e-mail. The Moderator
Team will take another look and/or assess appropriateness/suitability,
(and take relevant action if necessary) or if a personal trigger
to the individual that sadly could not be practically avoided.
It
can feel very upsetting and distressing to a poster when another
person adds a warning to their post or thread, where they may
also experience feelings of being ‘told off’. This
has the potential to create further problems and misunderstandings
so are best left for the Moderators to deal with.
Please
understand it is impossible for these guidelines to cover everything
specifically and it can sometimes be a very subtle matter for
Moderators when considering what is and is not appropriate/suitable.
The Safeline Moderator Team therefore reserves the right to edit,
move and remove posts, and to block users not adhering to these
guidelines from using the website at their discretion.
Remember
to keep in mind the Moderators volunteer their time and are not
available 24/7.
