Guidelines
for Posting on the Forums and in the Chat Room
Introduction
The nature of what brings us here is potentially triggering to us all,
so we need to take some care of others and ourselves when we visit and/or
post on the Forums and in the Chat Room. Ultimately it is your personal
responsibility to protect and care for yourself, and maintain your own
safety whilst here…only you know how you are feeling and how fragile
and/or vulnerable you may be at any given time. However, these guidelines
along with some of the reasoning behind them have been set out to help
clarify ways in considering sensitivity toward fellow Survivors when
posting, maintaining and preserving the safety of the site, and reducing
the possible upset and distress that can be felt when a post is edited,
moved or removed by a Moderator when deemed inappropriate/unsuitable.
Please
note: No amount of guidelines or warnings can protect every single person
here from being upset or triggered at all points in time. It is therefore
vitally important to take the responsibility for you own wellbeing,
yourself.
These
guidelines predominately relate to posting on the forums although the
same principals should be applied to discussion/s in the Chat Room.
Respect and consideration should be given to all those present in the
Chat Room and discussion/subject points agreed.
Click
on the heading to go to the individual Guideline
It
is advisable and desirable you consider very carefully whether to post
or even come onto the website at all when heavily under the influence
of medication, alcohol or drugs which sometimes distorts your thinking
and/or behaviour/actions. It can be very upsetting and frightening for
anyone when another person does not have some control of them self and
will not be accepted as a reasonable excuse for inappropriate/misbehaviour.
Please try and remember you are responsible for your own behaviours
and actions.
Please
give some thought and consideration to the choice of name/alias/pseudonym
you choose to post under, as these can also prove to be upsetting and
triggering to some and cannot be avoided on entering the forums or Chat
Room. If you are new to the Safeline website try to look around as many
of the forums as possible to check your choice of name is not already
used by another person before posting, as you will be asked to change
it to avoid mix ups and confusion which may feel upsetting/distressing
to you. (It is possible, having checked you may still receive a request
to change your name in the event another person with the same name has
not posted in recent days or is not a frequent poster.)
It
is advisable to keep in mind there is often more than one person, sometimes
several people posting “anonymously” at any given time and
wise not to presume all anonymous posts are from the same person. (You
could find yourself getting into quite a muddle and/or confused, otherwise.)
Any
posts which maybe triggering should show a warning triangle and/or TTT
in the subject line. Words such as ab*se, ab*sed, se*ual, r*pe, r*tual,
h*ll etc, related to r*lig*on and alc*h*l are splatted ***** and not
used where possible in the subject line.
Strong
language and swearing which others may find offensive should be splatted
*****, again not used in the subject line, and saved for the Rant and
Rave forum as much as possible.
Please
try to give some indication as to the subject matter within your post
in the ‘subject line’, keeping to the above criteria.
When
your post contains, (conts.) anything associated/related to any of the
following:
Self-harm – (SH)
Suicidal thoughts/feelings – (SH related)
Religion – (Rlgn.)
Alcohol – (Alc.)
..…Clearly,
state in the ‘subject line’ with use of abbreviations. E.g.:
Conts. SH, Conts. Rlgn.
Although posts maybe be marked as triggering and it is accepted and
expected to relate to sexual abuse, most people would prefer more warning
with regard to these four categories in particular. (Personal choice
as to whether to read the post/s or not is therefore made easier.)
Writing
in capitals/upper, case is shown as shouting, which can make reading
difficult. You can shout, rant and rave as much as you like in the Rant
and Rave forum but should be kept to a minimum in the Main Support forum.
Explicit/Graphic
Detailed Posts - of Self-Harm, the Abuse itself, etc.
Writing
is one of the most useful tools to healing, and it can really help to
express and talk about your experiences in detail. There can be no right
or wrong in what you say, you know the truth and how you feel but this
is not the appropriate place to bring such detailed posts. The depth
at which this goes to is better handled in therapy and/or on a more
personal level. The Safeline Moderator Team considers what the aim and
what is achievable on-line that remains safe and helpful to all or most.
(Expression, the sharing of feelings and struggles, exploration, support,
help and advice, friendship and of course the achievements, successes
and good times in a safe, understanding, non-judgemental environment.)
[It
is enough to say you are experiencing flashbacks, struggling with or
are self-harming (SH), suicide, abuse etc without the specific details.]
Whilst
it may sometimes feel your experiences and/or problems are small in
comparison with others, the reality is that each person has their own
story to share and all are equally valid and this is also to be remembered
when others appear to be getting more attention.
Most
if not all who come here are emotionally vulnerable in some way, some
or most of the time. You have the choice to decide for yourself what
you can and can’t deal with, which posts to read or not, and ultimately
you are responsible for taking care of yourself whilst here. The Safeline
Moderator Team takes your safety, and the safety and preservation of
the site very seriously too, which is felt in part our responsibility.
(Remember at times even therapists/counsellors are not equipped to deal
with all survivors have to say, as many have found to their cost.)
It
is important to be heard and Safeline will hear you. You are always
welcome to e-mail Safeline if/when it’s not appropriate to post
here. Please keep in mind the Moderators volunteer their time and are
not available 24/7.
In
addition as survivors, you were all in some way threatened with ‘things’
in your past to keep you quiet. Many of these threats to you now as
adults have no hold over you but to some this is not the case. We need
to be aware of this and so need to be cautious with details shared publicly.
The Safeline website does not attract ‘those’ that may find
graphic, explicit details ‘interesting’ as we don’t
post them, which also goes a long way to keeping this a safe place to
be.
Please
note: If you are in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, you should contact
appropriate professionals, (therapist/counsellor, mental health services,
crisis hotline, A&E etc) whom are better equipped to help you. It
is not fair to threaten SH, suicide etc and give cause for grave concern/worry
to fellow survivors.
Samaritans
24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every single day of the year.
National numbers
UK 08457 90 90 90
ROI 1850 60 90 90
Safeline
Telephone Helpline
Monday,
Wednesday and Friday evenings, between 7.00pm and 10.00pm. Tuesday and
Thursday evenings between 7.30pm and 9.30pm. These times may vary according
to holidays etc. There is a 24hr answer phone available for messages.
UK 0808 800 5005
The
posting of suicide notes or any other indication of the intent to attempt
suicide or self-injure is prohibited, as is the posting of descriptions
of self-harm activities. Discussion of the urges and feelings are appropriate,
but making a clear statement and assurances of current safety (as in
"these are feelings only and will not be acted upon") is a
MUST when doing so, otherwise posts will be removed / edited. Posts
containing descriptions or "plans" are not allowed at any
time. Additionally, any posts that appear to lay blame on or demand
action by Safeline or any forum member (as in "help me, talk to
me, or I will...") are also prohibited.
The
Safeline website does not have a range of different forums to accommodate
specific, separate subjects that cover all potential areas for discussion.
Therefore, posts with subject matter that is considered/viewed as very
highly triggering, (e.g. when deep, dark, strong powerful emotions/thoughts/feelings
are expressed,) they should be taken to the Rant and Rave forum. Although
these types of posts would not be considered to be ‘ranting and
raving’, it is necessary to try and maintain a sense of balance
for each individual forum.
Communication
and the sharing of experiences amongst Survivors has proven to be invaluable
and very healing, but it is important to be aware how sometimes inadvertently
and without realising, you can also get caught up/dragged down with
talk of others depth of pain and suffering experienced, pick up on or
follow others self-destructive/damaging behaviours. This can then become
very unhelpful and unhealthy. With this in mind it is preferable the
Main Support forum reflects ‘lighter’ discussion/s and remains
more inviting and less frightening to new visitors, (whilst still including
potentially triggering subject matter,) and the Rant and Rave forum
holds a safer place which can also reflect the sometimes deeper, darker
side.
Personal
direct ‘attacks’ on other visitors, big or little that come
here are NOT allowed,
whether they be part of the same ‘system’ or not.
It
is often possible someone else's expressions of pain, anger, ways of
coping etc will leave you feeling triggered or otherwise negatively
impacted in some way. If you feel triggered and/or angry by something/someone,
please don't respond right away in ‘reaction’ when your
emotions are running high. Take some ‘time-out’, turn off
and walk away from the computer if needs be, give time to think about
your feelings and consider what it is you may like to say and why in
response. And whenever responding to another persons post consider how
you would want to be responded to.
This
does not mean differences of opinion cannot be expressed however, provided
they remain respectful to others. You may find this is the first time
you have been able or have been witness to discussion where it’s
okay to have a different opinion, where it’s okay to disagree
and where there are no negative repercussions. When new to this type
of experience you may find it feels unsettling and upsetting to you,
even challenging or threatening and can take some getting used to.
There
is also a need to respect each other’s boundaries as individuals
and it could be the first time when you can actually establish some
of your own for the very first time and in a safe environment. It maybe
new and different, and could feel quite scary to you.
Some
people are not comfortable with hugs, for example, (even cyber hugs.)
And it’s okay for them to ask not to be hugged. There are varying
beliefs/non-beliefs about religion and some feel uncomfortable about
being prayed for or being blessed by god, are other examples. Again,
an individual can express their discomfort and ask not to receive such,
so long as it is put respectfully.
You
may never have been allowed to say when you felt uncomfortable with
or did not like something before, or if you did, you were ignored and
they carried on regardless. You have rights and you do not have to ‘endure’
things that you don’t like anymore, as do others.
Please
note: It is useful to say whom your post is directed at when venting
etc about/to an abuser or person/s in your life and consider carefully
when making generalisations, as other survivors can quite often feel/think
you are talking about/to them personally.
Please
respect each other’s right to anonymity, privacy and confidentiality,
particularly when communicating in the Chat Room or off-site and don’t
allow anyone else to pressure you into responding or giving out details
you feel uncomfortable with.
To
protect your on-line safety it is not recommended or advisable to share
personal details such as phone numbers, addresses etc. Also keep in
mind should you choose to include your email address when posting, the
Safeline forums have public access which potentially leaves you open
to being contacted by absolutely anyone, which may not always be welcome.
(Safeline are happy to assist in the exchange of email addresses when
parties involved agree.)
With
the exception of the Moderators, no ‘Bigs’ should post in
the Littles Support or Play Corner forums unless they are responding
to their own inner child/little. (Please be aware and keep in mind this
could still feel unsettling and uncomfortable for other littles.)
Play
Corner is a place for your inner child to play, chat to other littles
and have fun. Posts here should be kept light-hearted which provide
escapism from abuse issues.
Please
try and remember as adult/big you are also predominately responsible
for your own inner child, little/s, alters or other parts behaviours,
actions, safety and wellbeing, although they should be encouraged to
share the responsibility with you.
The
Safeline website is for Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse, and predominately
subject matter discussed should be relevant/central to this issue, inclusive
of any day-to-day ups and downs encountered. Subjects not deemed to
be relevant, appropriate or ‘matters’ that are currently
illegal in the United Kingdom are not welcome and will be removed if
introduced to the site, at the discretion of the Moderator Team.
Discussion
on issues and/or problems encountered on other websites regardless of
aim and content are not welcome on the Safeline website and will be
removed if introduced to the site, at the discretion of the Moderator
Team. (Please refer to the disclaimer on the Homepage for more details
on this matter and other relevant issues.)
If
you feel or notice a post, which is potentially triggering that shows
no warning or have concerns over the appropriateness/suitability of
a post please let Safeline know via e-mail. The Moderator Team will
take another look and/or assess appropriateness/suitability, (and take
relevant action if necessary) or if a personal trigger to the individual
that sadly could not be practically avoided.
It
can feel very upsetting and distressing to a poster when another person
adds a warning to their post or thread, where they may also experience
feelings of being ‘told off’. This has the potential to
create further problems and misunderstandings so are best left for the
Moderators to deal with.
Please
understand it is impossible for these guidelines to cover everything
specifically and it can sometimes be a very subtle matter for Moderators
when considering what is and is not appropriate/suitable. The Safeline
Moderator Team therefore reserves the right to edit, move and remove
posts, and to block users not adhering to these guidelines from using
the website at their discretion.
Remember
to keep in mind the Moderators volunteer their time and are not available
24/7.
